Why don’t I have any friends?

This is a common complaint from many people with BPD. They feel rejected and get themselves into the mind-set of negative conclusions. If one friend has rejected them whether they actually have or perceived then all of their friends have rejected them and they have no one. The idealisation and devaluation thinking plays a part here too.

People with BPD are very quick to push everyone away if they feel that friends/family are going to leave them, even if one friend walks away from them they believe that everyone else will. Despite having a circle of friends once that one friend walks away, the person with BPD then forgets about the other friends who haven’t done anything. “I have no friends, no one is ever going to like me, and I’m always going to be a loner” these are typical statements from a person with BPD.

Even when trying to make new friends outside of the circle they are in now the fear of rejection is so strong so despite the desire to want new friends the fear holds them back and they fail to make new friends.

So what happens when a person with BPD publically displays their belief of having no friends in front of friends who had done no wrong?

I have personally asked one friend how she felt when I said I had no friends and she said that she felt upset and hurt that I had said that and that I felt she wasn’t a close enough friend to me for me to realise that she is here for me no matter what.

Other friends have turned around and said well sod you then and distanced themselves from me, at the time I did not see that this was BPD behaviour but now I am learning what is BPD behaviour and what isn’t, I am becoming more aware of the BPD thinking styles and how distorted they are.

Now that you are more aware of the BPD behaviour what are you doing to challenge it?

When I feel I have no friends I take a step back from the feelings and look at myself from a different perspective, that helps me to realise that I do have friends and that although I may not speak to them daily or even weekly it does not mean that they are not my friends anymore it just means we all have busy lives, but with some friends when we do get together we chat as if there had been no gap between our get-togethers.

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