Seeking a Nurturing Environment and Borderline Personality Disorder

Many patients diagnosed with borderline personality disorder have come from an abusive childhood, many have experienced sexual/physical and emotional abuse at the hands of people who should have loved, cared and nurtured them instead of hurting them. Some patients have experienced school bullying as well as the abuse and this rejection from children as well as the pain and hurt that a loved one is causing them are big factors in the development of Borderline Personality Disorder.

If a child grows up without a loving and nurturing home to live in then they seek that elsewhere. Sometimes this can be in a hospital environment, the behaviour of hospital seeking usually occurs after the first acute crisis admission, the patient becomes accustomed to life in hospital and how safe and secure they felt, for them that feeling could be the first time they have ever felt that and they want it all the time, they want to feel safe and secure it gives them what they were missing in childhood. Sadly this means that some people diagnosed with BPD become revolving door patients in both the psychiatric ward and the emergency department trying to fill the hole that wasn’t filled in childhood.

Some people diagnosed with BPD who were abused by a parent sometimes go looking for another parent figure, whilst its normal to have a second mum a third, fourth and fifth maybe becomes a little emotionally demanding. When you are not getting the emotional support from you real mother and you desperately seek it you go looking and if that “second mum” doesn’t offer exactly what your seeking then you go hunting for a third mum and so on.

Being promiscuous is a criteria symptom for diagnosis of BPD it falls in the category of impulsiveness. Many people diagnosed with BPD who are promiscuous are actually searching for love and kindness something they didn’t have in childhood. For females diagnosed with BPD sleeping with random men indicates they are trying to combat their feelings of emptiness and reduce the feelings of being alone, sad and numb. Having sex does release feel good endorphins.

Due to the fear of rejection and abandonment issues and intense emotions many relationships with people diagnosed with BPD breakdown very fast, this increases the fear of rejection and abandonment and also increases the behaviour that people who don’t meet the criteria for BPD are scared of making the next relationship a failure before its even begun. But having an understanding partner or friend who is willing to be with you no matter what you throw at them, who will love you no matter what, be there through your worst time and rejoice with your in your good times is vital to recovery I believe. Having a consistent person in your life will slowly teach you that not everyone leaves. That combined with DBT or similar therapy gives you an amazing chance at recovering fully from your BPD.

I personally believe that if it wasn’t for my husband my BPD would be a lot worse and I would not be ready for recovery or trying to find myself as I am now. I believe I would possibly either be dead or on a long term psychiatric ward. My husband has shown me consistency and love and nurture all through our relationship.

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