Projection, Emotional Reasoning, Avoidance and Splitting.


Due to the chronic feelings of emptiness and identity disturbance that people diagnosed with BPD experience they feel incredibly lonely and that is intensely painful. To cope people diagnosed with BPD will put these feelings on to others so if we are thinking negatively about ourselves then surely everyone else is thinking the same and agrees with our thoughts. A person diagnosed with BPD may project their own faults onto others in the process.

We refuse to accept our emotions, behaviours and feelings and project them onto someone else often in an accusing manner. People diagnosed with BPD sometimes say partners or friends have the disorder instead because they have projected their own difficulties on to them.

The extreme feelings that a person diagnosed with BPD feel are usually believed to be facts so if a partner is slightly irritated with a person diagnosed with BPD, the person diagnosed with BPD then perceived the irritability to be hatred.

In the unconsciousness of a borderline they hope that by projecting onto you that they will feel better, unfortunately that doesn’t last and so it begins again to make the person diagnosed with BPD feel better.

Emotional Reasoning.

People diagnosed with BPD tend to live with their emotions ruling their thinking and decision making. To a person diagnosed with BPD the emotion is the fact. If their feelings don’t match that of the fact they will change the fact to match that of the feelings.

With partners this emotional reasoning can explain why the person diagnosed with BPD memory of events which has caused an argument is different to theirs.


Avoidance is behaviour of withdrawing from relationships due to a fear of rejection, criticism and exposure, it is a defensive measure. Borderlines may react with avoidance after an argument, once the argument has finished and no matter what the outcome is the person diagnosed with BPD may continue as if the argument didn’t happen, even going as far as saying they don’t remember the argument. Partners or the opposing side are left dazed and hurt due to the argument and confused that the person diagnosed with BPD can just brush it off and seem to forget mainly any hurt that was caused as a result of the argument. They expect everyone to carry on as usual.

A person diagnosed with BPD may also avoid doing anything they feel will cause them hurt or increase their risk of rejection and abandonment, this means they will refuse to go to social gatherings, even arranging a meeting with one friend can be daunting as if that friend suddenly has to cancel then the person diagnosed with BPD is left feeling rejected. Paranoid thoughts can come into it and a person diagnosed with BPD may begin to think that the friend has ditched them for someone else and that they are not worthy of that friends company.


This term is also called Black and White thinking. With people diagnosed with BPD it’s all or nothing, there is no grey area. The phrase “I hate you please don’t leave me” shows a black and white thought. People diagnosed with BPD can go from idealising someone one minute to devaluating (despising) them the next. If a person does what a person diagnosed with BPD perceives to be an attack on them they will push that person away and cut off all ties with them to protect themselves. Yet that person even half an hour later can show an ounce of kindness and a person diagnosed with BPD will love them again. People diagnosed with BPD tend to put people they idealise up very high on a pedestal, that person can do no wrong, they are the best, but if that person then does something opposite to a person diagnosed with BPD beliefs then they have crushed them and to the person diagnosed with BPD it feels like rejection/abandonment, which they just cannot cope with.

4 Responses to “Projection, Emotional Reasoning, Avoidance and Splitting.”

  • Meagan says:

    I am reaching levels of success attempting to better myself learning how to heal all alone in my battle with BPD! because of posts like this, I get my start on what to research. I am able to find what I relate to here, and looking further into it. I appreciate your article, thank you.

  • Stariel says:

    I am almost certain my bf has bpd. I’ve never felt such love from anyone …and I’ve never been made to feel so worthless. He will cheat and blame me. He TELLS ME I’m a whore and I am sleeping with multiple people when all I ever wanted was just him. He will say the most vile abusive things to me then call me abusive while I’m crying just begging him to stop. Sometimes I think he wants me to kill myself. I told this to him tonight and he said that I would never be let into heaven. I can’t go on anymore like this…he is 30 now and I want to believe with time he maybe he will change…I’ve read it gets better with age…Am I wasting my time? I love him so much I never dreamed my ideal angel of a man would ever be this way to me. Should I just leave? I feel so alone and like nobody believes me because he is so nice to everyone else. I don’t know what to do. I’m an resorting to things I would never dream of doing just to forget the pain it causes me inside.

  • SJ says:

    I agree with Meaghan, it’s like Christmas when I read a post like this and think “holy Christmas !!!! That’s exactly true, why on earth can’t I recogniZe this and explain this to my spouse/family? It’s so god dam confusing, even worse trying to explain it to someone who just looks at ya like you have four eyes ……. I love this article, thank you so much for sharing I am copying and sending to my spouse. Fortunately for me, I found a nice boy (after what seemed like ten thousand years of mean boys) who (for some reason I will never know) puts up with all my bs with patience and understanding and support and always a shoulder to cry/scream/punch/love/laugh on (lol) and I soo feel better when I can share articles like this with him so he has a better understanding of my ‘blessing in disguise ‘ even though I think he’s in it for the long run, I am always on edge always so anxious worried he will be fed up one day…….. I don’t use it as an excuse but when I don’t understand myself and I don’t understand my behaviour and I feel absolutely terrible when I have my ‘freak outs ‘ I at least can share words from you fellow awesome-o smarty-pants handsome devil bdp peers online as a healthy good way to refresh in my head as well as remind my ol ball and chain that this is real, that we can’t just snap out of it we arnt bad people, we arnt evil people, and this is what we battle with in our brainsesesess every flipping day …….. We are trying our best ….thank you again, I hope to read more articles like this .

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