Posts Tagged ‘emotions’

We tend to think negatively more than thinking and finding the positives in our lives, we are quick to think negatively and tell ourselves we are bad and shouldn’t do things, we can talk ourselves out of doing things, we judge ourselves and therefore our self worth suffers, we don’t think we can do certain things so put ourselves down, when in reality we are more than capable of doing things we just choose not to. The result is that opportunities are missed and choices get chosen for us.

We change and influence our lives by our feelings and when we are stuck in negative thinking, it can cause further damage to our self esteem and our confidence. Here are a few ways we put ourselves down and talk ourselves out of doing what we are capable of doing:

Repeating past experiences

People sometimes find that if they do something and get a certain result then there is nothing they can do to change that result should they find themselves in the same situation again. The outcome however can be changed by looking at the result with a different perception, you and only you can change the future. By thinking more positively and ignoring and avoiding negative thinking, the outcomes will become more positive.

Self Talk

Self talk plays a big part in our lives whether this be negative or positive, it helps us to make decisions, and it influences our lives a lot. Negative self talk can result in a negative outcome.

Reflecting

We sometimes spend too long looking at the past, mostly in a negative manner, but it doesn’t mean that you are back to square one. It means you have taken an option and gone a different route, however if you want to get back to the route you where on then you have to realise where you went wrong and think of positive ways you can get back there.

Practising positive thinking

If you have spent years thinking negatively at yourself, the world around you, your life etc, then these conditioning’s will make thinking and acting positively harder but not impossible, its about changing your habits and thinking more positively, unfortunately this wont happen overnight and may take some time. Its about changing your habits.

By paying more attention and persevering with your thoughts you can change your thinking. By visualising yourself as a confident, happy person you can begin to see yourself as this person. Now unfortunately you will have days where you feel down and cant be bothered, but see this day as a blip, one that can be forgotten about and you can try again tomorrow.

This is something i learnt when i first did DBT back in 2008. Its rather effective in how it works.

Sit back and relax your face from the top to your chin and jaw, let go of each facial muscle and feel everything becoming loose. Your forehead, eyes, brows, cheeks, mouth and tongue; teeth slightly apart. If you have difficulty, try tensing your facial muscles first and letting them go. A tense smile is a grin and might tell your brain you are hiding or masking your real feelings.

Let both corners of your lips go slightly up, just so you can feel them. It is not necessary for others to see it. A half smile is slightly upturned lips with a relaxed face.

Try to adopt a serene facial expression. Remember, your face communicates to your brain; your body connects to your mind.

So basically when you do a half smile the brain believes you to be in a calmer happier place and therefore you begin to feel calmer and happier.

Wake up will I be normal today
With racing thoughts going so fast
Up and down my moods shift
Minutes and Hours rapidly change

I can be happy but then a sudden flash
And rage pure and evil
I love you yet I hate you too
Set myself up for the hurt

I go by perceived perception
That is my truth that is what I believe
Logic and rational behaviour does not exist
Wear my emotions on my sleeve

I cant control how I feel
This is all I know how to be
Yes I want to try to be different
But how can you change who you are

I hate when I’m left alone
I feel like ive been abandoned
Family hurt me
Rejected never did I fit in

I cry with the slightest thing
Hate criticism even praise
Dont like to be judged
I do that myself

Used to hurt myself because I need punishment
Its the only way I can cope
Cant do that anymore
Have to be responsible

No one likes me anyway
Why should I care my head shouts
Yet my heart whispers you do
I suffer every day

People are out to get me
Hurt me and destroy who I am
No one can I trust
Yet I long for to be loved

When I feel threatened by others
I panic and fear takes over
My heart races and it hurts
Adrenalin overwhelms my body

When I cry its with such force
I struggle for breath and hyperventilate
My world comes crashing down around me
And all I want to do is hide away

Try to fit in and will do anything
Lie to make me seem right
Manipulative, I don’t want to be alone
Hate everything that I am

Who am I I constantly ask
No identity, empty inside
Need to be someone else to be liked
Run away from myself

Impulsive nature, spend like no tomorrow
I laugh yet cry at the same time
Change my look, everything just to be liked
Impressionable to a severe degree

So scared of being rejected and abandoned
I twist everything I hear, perceived to be hatred for me
Up go the barriers must protect myself
Hurt those I most care about

Only those who really know me
See this for what it really is
Those who don’t just see an emotional wreck
An un-repairable write off.

©www.battlingbpd.org

I believe this post will be about rejection and associated fears.

This is the situation I have had today. I text a friend this morning asking if she would like to come over this afternoon. I got no response, so when I see that she is with her other friend, I got very upset and sent an angry text message to her. Instantly regretting it once I had sent it. At the same time my Care Coordinator arrived with someone else from the team shadowing her. We discussed what had happened, my care co was sure that things would be ok, I wasn’t so sure. I felt she didn’t want to be around me. Through the session I received a text message back, fearing what it would say I read it and it was a really nice message. My friend said about the signal in her home. Instantly I burst into tears. I had completely forgotten that she has rubbish signal. I felt and still do feel guilty. All I want to do right now is bombard her with texts saying I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt her or lose her as a friend.

I know the skills so that this sort of incident doesn’t happen, but I didn’t use it, instead I let emotional mind get the better of me.

This is what I should have done.

-look at all possible scenarios and reasons, like she hadn’t received the text, that she was busy and had read the text but forgotten about it, that she didn’t have signal.
-not send the text that I did, instead asking if she had received the text this morning and if she was up to coming round
-radically accept that the possible scenarios do happen and that even if she didn’t want to be around me, that that is ok too.

This is what I am doing now.

-writing this post so that others can see my mistake and my workings through using a mini chain analysis.
-not bombarding my friend with texts
-accepting that what happened, happened.
-using mindfulness to help reduce the strength of some emotions I am currently feeling.

Black and White thinking – This is all or nothing thinking, there are no grey areas. If something doesn’t meet the borderlines expectations then they see it as a complete failure.

Negative Conclusions– A borderline will come to a negative conclusion despite there are not being any facts to support the conclusion. This is usually done in two forms:
Mind Reading: This is where a borderline will assume what a person is thinking and that they are thinking negatively about them.
Prediction: A borderline will negatively predict they will fail at something or an event is going to turn out badly. They set themselves up for a bad time rather than going with the flow.

Catastrophizing – This is where a borderline will make everything seem a lot worse and will think and think about an event making it seem worse and worse in their minds. They will make out something is the worst thing ever more to convince themselves that they aren’t able to do something and to withdraw. This usually happens when a borderline is forced to step outside of their comfort zone.

Resisting Positive Experiences – A borderline will resist positive experiences by insisting that they weren’t as good as they actually are, they invalidate themselves by saying they could have done better and that it wasn’t good enough. This then leads to feelings of being inadequate and worthless and a secondary distorted thinking process of generalising everything.

Generalising Everything – This is when a borderline sees one single negative event as a continuous repeating cycle of defeat. A borderline will use words such as always or never when describing negative events. Example – being turned down for a job, a borderline will think they are never going to get a job, they are always going to be turned down.

Negative Filtering of Events – This is when a borderline will take a small negative detail and dwell on it so much that they will forget all the positives that happened at the same time. Example – passing a driving test but having 1 minor. The borderline will focus on that minor and will obsess about it for days, seeming to forget that they passed their driving test and positive factors that that brings for them.

Emotions are Facts – A borderline has unstable emotions and will spend a lot of their time in emotional mind. They tend to believe and think that the emotions they are feeling are true for the situation.

Shoulda Coulda Woulda statements – A borderline can be very pessimistic and with a lot of events they believe that events “shoulda, coulda or woulda” been better. They are never happy with the results of events and will often use these statements to justify their pessimistic view.

Self Blame/Blaming others – A borderline will hold themselves responsible for events that are beyond their control. Example – recently there has been an incident with my niece and I blamed myself for her actions despite not having any control over her actions. On the opposite a borderline may blame others for situations they are responsible for, this is because some borderlines are unable to take responsibility of their actions and want someone else to take the blame, they will try and make someone their scapegoat.

Paranoid Thinking – Borderlines can experience brief psychosis and as a part of this they can experience paranoia. They will believe that people are out to get them, sometimes this paranoid thinking can come as a secondary result from another distorted thinking and the paranoia will feed from that thinking.

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