At some time in our lives we go through stages of being unsure about the future ahead, doubting our abilities and challenging our decision making. For most this is handled well and comes with nature, most people are able to take control and understand and cope with the odd worry or doubt. For some people when the thoughts and worries become difficult to deal with and get out of hand this can result in self doubting and can affect their day to day life in a negative way. The problem with self doubting is that it can undermine the self confidence a person has, this can result in more negative thoughts and feelings.

When you constantly put yourself down over every criticism it damages your self confidence and self worth even further. This will become apparent to others and begin to have a negative effect to those around you and you. Becoming more thought aware is a technique which is easy to master and helps you to think more positively and rationally about situations.

Become more aware of your thoughts

Most people who self doubt themselves find they have hundreds of thoughts go through their mind during the day, which causes the person to become even more distressed as the thoughts are with them constantly. These thoughts are only seen as negative, self doubting, therefore you dont see the thoughts for what they are or whether they are right or wrong, only that they are self doubting thoughts.

Being able to master the technique of being thought aware is simple. You have to let these thoughts in and when you notice that they are self doubting, write them down and then let the thoughts go. A few examples of negative thoughts that can be concerning to a person:

A fear about your performance outcome

Worrying about how others with perceive you as a result of your actions

Worries about how people will judge you

A continuous thought about the outcomes

Self criticise over everything you do.

Never reaching the perfection

Feelings of inadequacy

Feelings of uncertainty

Focusing on these thoughts and the damage they can do if left alone is the first step towards rational thinking and instilling a pattern of positive thoughts inside ones self, which should replace the old negative pattern. The negative thoughts listed above could be challenged with more positive thinking, for example:

Fear of the outcome. Have you gained all the information about this problem? Did you do everything in your powers before making the decision.

Worrying about how others see you. Were you able to be yourself, and do everything you could? If so then others will appreciate that whether you were right or wrong. Everyone at one point in their lives will make a mistake, its part of the learning cycle. No one is perfect.

If you appear confident then others will see you this way, if you are shy and quiet then people will see you as that, the trick is to make people think you are in control and appear assertive.

Once you have made a decision leave it at that, you cant change the outcome so continuously thinking about it wont help.

If at the end of the day you realise you could have done a little better try not to beat yourself up about it, you cannot change what has happened. Everyone makes mistakes, but the most important lesson about making mistakes is that you learn from them so you don’t continuously make the same mistake over and over.

What is perfection? No one can ever be perfect no matter how hard they try, what might seem as perfection in one person can be a far from ideal in another, seeing others as being perfect may just hinder yourself and make you feel worse.

Most people except the very egotistical will have feelings of inadequacy, as long as you perform to the best of your ability thats all anyone can reasonably ask of you.

There will always be doubts, some are part of who we are and others are what we use to strengthen ourselves and strive to learn and live. If you feel you could have done something different then recognise them and then let them go, its too late to change things, and even if you could would changing things be the right way and would it make any difference.

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