its been a while since anything was posted on this website and for that I am sorry. I want to start to update and use this blog on a daily basis. If there are any topics you would like me to write about then let me know and i will do my best to do so.

So whats been going on with me… Im currently doing a Living skills group course. Its a 7 week long course and is basically a mini dbt course. It focuses on the four main components of DBT but in smaller less detailed modules. So far we have done Distress Tolerance and Mindfulness. I’ll go into this in more detail in another post.

Ive had ups and downs with my mood, came off meds and now back on them, lost friendships and gained friendships. Ive tried so hard to keep to my goal of if i feel someone is going to reject/abandon me then i take a step back and try and see the bigger picture, find out all the facts first and then make an all rounded decision, but its been more difficult lately and thats been a huge struggle for me and that Ive reacted in ways that im not pleased about. I told myself that I wouldnt use facebook as a weapon or as a place to vent things like this, because I know the reaction it can cause can be destructive even further. Yet I used facebook as a place to vent and to air my views on a certain subject and that was wrong even though the people who did comment helped me alot and i thanked them for it afterwards in a seperate post to the original one as i deleted that, i cant help but think what on earth the rest of the people on my facebook thought of me that day, did this cause their opinion on me to differ, did they just see things how i saw it and saw the hurt that i was feeling or did they think something else altogether. I’ll never know.

Things are changing and there is nothing i can do about it, I know these changes have been coming for some time now. My son who may have some form of Autism is going to school in September, so I have been working hard to try and get all the support in place for him and finally met his teacher this past monday and she seems lovely, spoke to his SENCO and she has put some worries Ive had at ease. So Im in the transitioning phase of getting my son ready for school and gently telling him that he will not be going to his preschools after we go on holiday.

Im finding alot of the trauma that i thought I had left behind years ago is coming back. All of it is including my mother and what she did to me, how she treated me and the emotions and feelings and thoughts that are coming with it all, whilst I no longer self harm I find myself wanting to find ways to self destruct in hope that I can cope with what my mind has decided now is the time that I remember it all again.

Feel like Im going backwards yet again, I just start getting somewhere and my mind says nope not done yet here have this. I know they (whoever they are) say when life throws you lemons, make lemonade but dammit there is only so much lemonade you can make!!

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